Great Expectations

Normally, What I do when I write stuff is to provide a brief recap, should I say, of what's been going on and then carry it on from there. But I'm going to skip it this time, firstly because this is a new year and plus I really don’t want to dwell on the past anymore. What's done is done…as they say.

The thing about life, forgive me if I sound rhetorical, is it's always moving, I mean like it never stops. Unlike people, especially me, who stop all the time. I'm like always running after life, there's always things to do, deadlines to meet, improvements to be done. Sometimes I feel my life is becoming like the pursuit of this ever moving bright light, and moreover my speed of pursuit is just enough to keep me within sights but never really 'there'. And this past year I feel myself slowing down to a point that the light is but a faint memory of illumination on my mind. I'm losing sight, I'm losing focus and in short I'm losing the reins to my life.

Maybe it’s the theory of causation, that states that every thing around us has to have a cause or a reason for its existence, or maybe just like that; but people (I'm being general here, so all you extraordinary special cases can go screw yourself, quite literally if that’s flexibly possible) 'generally' look for reasons to do things, the reasons could be anything , from money to little money to more money, a lot of times (esp. for guys)to get a good fuck, occasionally for self improvement, to more frequently than you would like to admit 'revenge', often to get a high, or uncontrollably to gastronomical or urological pressures, I think you get the point now. And every once in a year (at the beginning of it to be more precise), laymen like us find a reason to begin afresh, start off on a new slate with an armory of resolutions (one never tends to keep). It could be one of the reasons why we have surprisingly less no. of murders and rapes and other heinous crimes (like farting in public) in the first 3 months of a year compared to the other 9. Statistics show that even though most of us break every single resolution we make on that night of drunken madness, almost all of us try to make an effort to hang on to it for a certain period of time before spring comes up and people start shooting each other again. P.S. The above quoted statistics are entirely fictional and "bear no resemblance to any reality whatsoever"…any coincidence is entirely due to my "Intelligence" ;).

I know that a simple "I'm trying to make a new beginning in my life this year" would have sufficed for all the horse shit I poured above, but I guess writing is like playing cards - you tend to get more confident and secure once you have a certain amount of cash in your kitty or for that matter you feel good after you've already written a few hundred words. One of the main reasons I want a new beginning is because I can no longer see that bright light I mentioned about at the beginning, and "I'm losing control of my life". And as much as I hate to admit it, the main reason I'm going to end this thing here is that I'm running out of things to write. So I'll get myself armed with a few resolutions (which I know I'm going to break…after spring comes up) and pop up some other time.